Captain's Cream
Charred oak, salted vanilla, and a glossy mouthfeel that knows exactly what it is doing.
small batch parody rum
CUMRUM
Dark rum, sea-salt scandal, and the suspiciously creamy finish no respectable tasting room is ready to explain.
Cumming soon
the forbidden pour
Born in a barrel. Raised on bad decisions.
CUMRUM is the fictional spirit for people who read the label twice, laughed once, and still asked what the tasting notes were. Imagine molasses, oak, vanilla, brine, and a finish so indecently silky it had to be released as satire.
launch rumours
The first imaginary batch
Black Flag Spiced
Cinnamon, clove, dark caramel, and a finish that refuses to make eye contact with the health inspector.
Salty Deck Reserve
Briny swagger, brown sugar, tropical heat, and the subtle terror of asking for a second glass.
tasting notes
Uncomfortably smooth. Alarmingly nautical.
- Colour midnight molasses
- Nose toasted sugar, old rope, poor judgement
- Palate dark spice, salted cream, forbidden vanilla
- Finish long, sticky, and legally fictional
join the crew
Be first in line when nothing ships.
Leave an email for the fake launch list. No bottles exist, no barrels are maturing, and no biological fluids belong in rum.